It’s September again. The wild sunflowers pepper the pasture land and the sunflower fields paint a yellow milky way against the Kansas sunset. For a woman whose birthday rests in September, it is only fitting that one of her favorite things would be sunflowers. This was true of my husband’s mom, my mother-in-law, Lorri.
Her birthday was September 11th, 1957 and she celebrated her first birthday with her heavenly Father on September 11th, 2015. She absolutely loved celebrations, especially birthdays. And they were to be celebrated on the actual birth day, if you asked her.
I’m sure you’re wondering why she was gone so soon. We do too, albeit we know that she suffered multiple strokes since doctors discovered and removed a brain tumor in 1988 when she had a husband, a two-year-old and a two-month old at home. The two-year-old being my husband. Since then, it has been a long journey for the entire family.
With her leaving us at the young age of 58, I didn’t have much time with her. I met her for the first time in September 2010 when Levi and I began dating. Five years later, I’m holding our four-month old son at her funeral with a million thoughts going through my head. How do I support my husband who just lost his mom? How do I support my father-in-law and the rest of the family? What are the right words to say? What are the right things to do? And wait, I’m hurting too. So what do I do about that and do I tell anybody?
It’s taken me a lot of time to sort feelings even years after her passing. We had a great relationship and packed a lot in those five years. But it was only five years. So many have walked this journey with her for far longer. Is my sadness, how much I miss her, relevant? It’s taken me a while to tell myself, “yes”. Even though my husband says it all the time.
I miss shopping with her. I miss doing her hair and makeup. I miss her daily avocado/mesquite turkey/baby coke lunch. I miss her randomly breaking out into song. I miss dreaming about babies with her. I miss eating pinwheels with her at bedtime. I miss (sometimes) her really personal questions that turned into funnies. I miss her heartfelt gifts. I miss her requests to bring bridge mix when we came home. I miss her twenty-four candy dishes at the house (yes, I counted one time!). I miss her painted fingernails, the stories about her grandma, our girl talks in the bathroom and lunch dates at El Zarape, her favorite mexican restaurant. There’s so much I miss.
I often think of how we could have connected on an even deeper level now that I have a few years worth of mothering under my belt. I know how much she loved my husband. She was the one that kissed his baby toes. She was the one that did everything in her power to see all of his gummy baby smiles. All of the wonderful and difficult dynamics of motherhood I’m experiencing now, she held dear of my husband years ago. I would have told her “I appreciate you” with more intent. Did I show that to her enough? Did I show her that her son is special, cherished and respected enough?
Today marks four years since her passing. There are questions about my husband that only she could answer. I didn’t think about these until I was a mom and by then, it was too late. For example, “how old was he when he got his first tooth?” or “how did you feel when he went to school for the first time?” As selfish as it is, I need her. I need her advice. I need to share moments with her. I need her to love on my two little boys. I need my friend.
About three times a year we are able to visit the cemetery that her body was laid to rest in. Our oldest son will “show” grandma Lorri new tricks such as hopping like a frog or standing like a flamingo. If there are any dandelions blooming, you can be sure he will leave some “sunflowers for grandma Lorri” on her head stone.
We all miss her dearly. So many times do we wish she were right here experiencing trips, new grand babies and new chapters with our family. How wonderful it is to rest in knowing where she celebrates her birthday every year. In the heavenly hands of our Father.
